what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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