Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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