I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
