it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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