you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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