I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
