I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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