Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
