lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize