man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
