As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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