I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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