I puked a lego.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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