well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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