u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You can't motorboat a personality
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
