I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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