my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
