she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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