so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she told me i tasted like america
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
