I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I smell like Dick and happiness
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
