i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
