If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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