First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
