did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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