Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
