I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
