good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
