my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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