She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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