Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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