You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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