so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
