I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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