I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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