There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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