i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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