Farmville is her only friend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
