Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
