He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
