Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How's work?
Spinning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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