The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
