He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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