have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
