this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
