at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
