He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
