I am in a vortex of obligation.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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