i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
