i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
