So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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