Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is Oprah even human
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
