i just google imaged poop.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
