things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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