Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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