Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
