Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
