we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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