She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
