i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
