Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
