Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
