some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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