everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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