come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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