My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
