just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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