people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
