last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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