ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
