Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
