Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
