Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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