Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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