Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize