My nipple is on Facebook.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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