So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
