He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
