I just pynch a tree in the face
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize